Old Memories

I sit here right across someone who holds memories with me that everytime I look at them gives me flashes of a better time. I sit here wondering what happened to those times, I crave that energy that used to exhilarate me, it made me an undying engine, one so strong and hungry for success that cannot be neither recreated nor recharged. I stare here and shy away whenever you look in my direction, I wonder what kind of future could’ve been, I ponder on a future that will never be. My body now filled with goosebumps and my pride stronger than ever I still confront you and ask you how you’ve been, you act as if there was never anything wrong, you’re acting as if I was a normal acquaintance even though me and you both know I was your backbone when you were falling apart. I walk away to my own table, in my own solitude, my own hollowness and come to pour to something that won’t abandon me as you did. I pour my all in a document as you are serenely sitting a few feet away from me. I type this and now realize it isn’t that I miss you, I miss who you brought out in me, but I’m scared no one else can bring that out in me. You left for no reason, you left me for dead in a dessert so barren that the dessert itself dies from its scorching heat. I now put my head down and brace my barren world again hoping you have a life full of gardens and a paradise unmatchable just as beautiful as your soul is, I just pray you don’t lose yourself in the process. I crave the memories, I crave those times but everything is for a reason is it not, sometimes it’s easier to have a scapegoat something to blame everything on, something to ease the pain, my morphine to sedate the the aching and never ending excruciating stabbing on an open wound. I’ll still be here when you come to, imma still dehumanize myself to attend to your needs, to anyones needs, because my morphine is their satisfaction, my morphine is their happiness, be my morphine, be my new memories.

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3 thoughts on “Old Memories

  1. But what about other people’s morphine? Maybe your happiness is their morphine. Maybe your happiness heals the pain. Maybe you deserve a life full of gardens and paradise also. You’ll find someone who will make new memories with you. Someone who will bring out the absolute best in you. Try not to lose yourself..

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    1. My garden is knowing I simply filled people’s lives with joy. I feel as if I walk through the gardens or paradise when I cause a simple smile from people. It isn’t that I am losing myself in the process I just find myself in others happiness, I’m reminded of hope when a simple smirk arises in someone’s face because of me.

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  2. That’s really beautiful. im glad your garden is making others happy. I’m glad you find yourself in other people’s happiness. I’m glad you fill happiness in other people’s lives. Im glad because it’s the most beautiful thing.

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